I am Kyuubi
by Holy Chaos
Summary: Kyuubi Kitsune is not the creature that everyone takes him for. An introspective oneshot from Kyuubi's point of view.


I am Kyuubi.

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me; it belongs to Kishimoto-sensei. This is based of watching the anime rather than reading the manga (not that there's that much difference) though, so blows a big raspberry at Viz.

I am Kyuubi Kitsune. Such simple words that would wreak such havoc had I a mouth to speak them and there was someone to hear. I was feared as the greatest youma of them all, a force of pure, elemental destruction that could not be stopped and could not be turned, and rightly so. I revelled in the havoc I caused, the pure destruction and chaos. They were like a drug and I craved them as any addict would, riding the heady rush of my own power. But I am not what I once was and even if by some miracle the kami should restore me to my former state I might perhaps turn from the path of devastation for something else, though for what I can not say. I might still return to my old ways, for as I said, the havoc I wreaked was like a drug and part of me craves it still, but it is no longer all I know.

It all changed on a night now thirteen years past. I can no longer remember the reasons I had for attacking the Hidden Village of the Leaf, or even if I had any at all and it just seemed like a good idea at the time. But for whatever reason, I attacked, revelling in the mayhem as I always did and it was made even sweeter by the futile attempts of the shinobi who attempted to stand against me. I swept them to one side or crushed them under foot, both the shinobi and the allies that they summoned, though they did not die but returned to where ever it was they remained when they were not called. I cared not, for to me they were simply foolish weaklings who had made the mistake of allying themselves with humans and thus weakening themselves even further.

Then one appeared who gave me a moment's pause, but not even Gambunta could hope to do anything more than delay me, though he would prove an interesting diversion. In my pride I payed no attention to the one who had summoned him and stood astride the toad's massive head and that proved to be my undoing that night. So focused was I on Gambunta that I didn't pay any attention to what the foolhardy shinobi was doing until I sensed an enormous surge of chakra and felt the presence of a being even greater than myself.

That was the first of the changes, for before that moment fear had been something that my presence inspired in others and not a feeling that experienced myself. But feel fear I did when I was confronted with the terrifying presence of none of than Shinigami himself and realised that I was not as proof against his power as I once thought. I could do nothing but watch and writhe helplessly in the grip of the Death God's power as a bargain was struck and the shinobi who I know now as the Fourth Hokage surrendered not only his life, but his very soul to bring about my first true defeat.

But I was not to be undone so easily and even the Death God admitted that he could not kill me outright, for like all youma I am an immortal, yet as I found out that night even I could be made mortal. Though not killed outright I was sealed within a human vessel, an infant child and my existence bound to his. How simple it would have been to simply kill the child then and send me to join the Fourth into Shinigami's waiting grasp and oblivion, but I know now how fortunate I am that it was into the hands of Konoha I fell, for no matter how great a threat I still supposed, they would not slay an innocent babe, not even to rid the world of one such as I.

I knew nothing of this at the time. All I knew was an all consuming rage over the fact that I had finally been laid low. I raged against the barriers that formed my prison, but they threw me back every time. Humbled though I was, my pride would not allow me to surrender to defeat so easily and I constantly threw myself against my prison walls until even my awesome power was spent and rage could sustain me later. So I rested and waited until I had regained my strength and it was during that time that I discovered two things.

The first was that my strength was no longer solely my own and the seal that bound me also siphoned of my strength and fed a portion of it into my human vessel. It was just a trickle and in truth nothing compared to the enormous potential power the child already possessed, potential blasted open by my sealing giving the infant more chakra than many of the full grown shinobi that I had felled and that in times of need he could call upon even more of my power to supplement his own. The second thing I learned is that while I could no longer reach out and touch the outside world I was not cut off from it completely. Though impotent to actually do anything I could experience the world through my vessels senses. So, still recovering from my futile attempts to escape my confines, I settled back and began to watch the world around.

I watched a succession of nursemaids and carers pass through the life of the young boy called Uzumaki Naruto, though I am sure that he can recall little beyond coloured blurs if he recalls anything at all. None were happy to be caring for the vessel of the creature that had almost destroyed their village and had taken so many away from them, husbands, wives, brothers and sisters, children, friends and family. Anger I knew all to well, for mine at being imprisoned still smouldered and I needed no lessons in it, but it is from them that I learnt of grief and loss, though could not truly comprehend their feelings.

It is from them that I also learned of abandonment for as my vessel grew, ignorant of my periodic attempts to free myself, both by guile and main force, he was left alone more and more often, blamed for my actions. Unlike the grief and loss that I learnt of from others, this sense of abandonment I could understand for I could not only experience the world through Naruto's senses, I could also feel an echo of his emotions. The seal thwarted my attempts to make him feel what I wanted, but it allowed my to know what he felt all to well. I shied away from the pain, unable to endure it and barely able to comprehend it, but there was no escape. In time the pain grew… bearable, though the burden never decreased. If anything it increased, but as one Naruto and I learned how to cope with those feelings and I took one more step away from what I was.

Time passed and I found myself less and less interested in escape and more and more caught up in the life in which I was nothing more than a passive spectator and I came to understand more and more of human feelings and in the process became a little more human myself, or so I like to think. Many of the lessons were painful ones and from the adults of Konoha I learnt what it felt like to be abandoned, rejected and despised while from the children of Konoha I learnt what it was to be outcast and ridiculed. Yet harsh as these lessons were, not all of them were so painful. When Naruto first met Iruka-sensei whom I can think of as nothing else for my view of the world is inextricably bound with Naruto's, I began to learn the first lessons of in how to care, lessons that the Third also added to in his own way. I was with Naruto the night that he learned that I reside him and I learned what it was to be accepted unconditionally, what it means to be loved.

That perhaps was the greatest turning point and not even my heart, shrivelled from centuries of destruction and pure elemental rage was proof against it. Amongst the many tears that Naruto shed as the sun rose that day, a few might just have been mine, in spirit if nothing else. If this was the Fourth's true intention or not when he bound me here, I do not know, but as I cannot help but feel a measure of his respect for the Fourth I like to think that perhaps is was. I may even find out one hopefully far off day when he and I finally meet again and Shinigami claims what is rightfully his. I may even thank him for what he did before we face oblivion together.

Great as the changes that day may have been, they were not the final ones. Still revelling in these newfound feelings, I accompanied Naruto on his journey as a ninja to the wave country. I felt his shame at the fear he displayed when facing the Demon Brothers, I felt his determination to never let that happen again. And it was through him I felt and for the first time truly understood the loss and grief that had so confused me when I saw them in others. I understood them all too well as Naruto saw Sasuke's needle studded form lying on the cold surface of the incomplete bridge. Those who only knew me before I was sealed may have thought what happened next would have been forgiven for thinking that I was trying to use Naruto's emotional state to escape and gain control, but in truth it was no such thing. The rage that he felt over what had been done to his rival and friend called to the rage that was and is still so much a part of me and when the two connected, they threw the gates of the seal open wide and sent an uncontrolled rush of my power out to Naruto, so much so that it transformed his body, but his actions were his own.

I could have taken the chance to escape had I realised how loose my bonds had become, but I was in no condition to take actions on my own because for the first time I experienced a new emotion entirely on my own and not through my link to Naruto. I felt guilt, for though the pain, the grief and loss I felt from Naruto was but an echo of what he truly felt it was so much greater than any other pain we had experienced before, physical or emotional, that it simply overwhelmed me and following hard on the heels of these new feelings was the knowledge that I had caused so many others to feel this as my rampages took their loved ones from them. I was nearly undone in that moment, lashed by Naruto's rage, grief and loss and my own guilt over my actions and perhaps it is a good thing that I did not escape for what I would have done in my state is a thing best left uncontemplated and the chance passed with nothing happening.

Without Naruto's emotions lashing me I was able to regain some control of myself and though the immediacy of my guilt abated it is something I must carry with me until my final appointment with Shinigami and perhaps even beyond that. From that day on though I was no longer the being I had been before and my old self may not have recognised me as I am now. It was also the day that I vowed that whatever aid I could give Naruto was his, though he may never know it, for the compassion and mercy he showed the boy Haku moved even me. I had the chance to tell him this when he first confronted my in my cage to openly ask for my power and why did not tell him and chose instead to play act at my old self, I do not know. My courage may have failed me, but the truth remains that even if I never work up the courage to tell him directly, Uzumaki Naruto will always have me on his side as a willing ally.

But remember this, though many of the same experiences have forged and shaped us both, I am _not_ Uzumaki Naruto. His heart is kind, compassionate and forgiving, the heart of a good person. My heart though now tempered by compassion, the knowledge of forgiveness, the capacity of love and burdened by the guilt of all that I have done, is still the heart of a destroyer. Thus I give you fair warning should by some chance or miracle Naruto be laid low yet I survive, those who brought him low had best beware for they will have me to contend with and no matter what changes time has wrought one thing still remains true. I am Kyuubi Kitsune.

Author's Notes:

This thought occurred to me and I simply had to write it. A slightly different take on Naruto's ever present and all important passenger and woe betide Itachi and co. if they ever try and take this version of Kyuubi for themselves. I don't know exactly why I thought of Kyuubi like this, but I don't think that it turned out too badly. C&C is appreciated as always, but especially for this as it was run off in only a couple of hours and it's still a little rough.


End file.
